Midnight Madness - Tiger Woods Edition

I'm Tiger Woods!

Like usual, I'm way late on getting to a topic. While playing Wii golf I had an epiphany. Well, not really an epiphany but a thought sprang to mind - I know why Tiger Woods cheated with all those women. For the jokes! All the bad sex jokes that can be used with golf and Tiger metaphors surely needs an audience, as large an audience as possible. Who was Tiger Woods to deny all those people the pleasure(literally)? Jokes like -

• You need a Tiger in your tank?


• Watch me sink this birdie.


• I'm going to need a 9 iron for this.


• I've got my ball caught in the rough again...and I like it.


• Clean my balls please.


• It's all about hip rotation and arm extension.


• A Ho in one!


• That's a warm club holder.


• Do you prefer metal or Wood?


• I'm talkin double bogies!


• I tee'd off on the fairway.


• Should be a chip shot from here.


• Sand trap!


• Caught a Tiger by the tail. Or a Tiger caught some tail?


• I've got two under par going into the last hole.


• You're not out of the Woods yet. Or the Woods aren't out of you yet.


• Avoid the water hazards.


• I can give you a closer shave - courtesy of Gilette
• I've got the smoothest stroke on the circuit
• And I call this one "Jack Nicholas"
• Last but not least - FORE!

And now...on with the Madness!

Play Me Out Johnny - Being dead is quickly becoming less of an obstacle for successful artists as both Jimi Hendrix and Johnny Cash have new songs being released. Can't wait to see the CGI re-animation of their performance in a video. Ugh.
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Eminence Front - The Who looked sad and aged during their pyro heavy performance at the Super Bowl. I will give them this though, Roger Daltry sounded better than I've heard him in a while. Still, I winced when I heard how much gimmicky echo was put into the famous "YYEEAAHHHH!" during "Won't Get Fooled Again" to ensure he didn't blow it. Pete Townshend sounded out of breath on the mic and every windmill arm motion sent his gut flying toward the cheap seats. As a whole the performance lacked power, maybe the next episode of CSI would be about finding who killed The Who's mojo.

Got A Situation Here - Sad to admit it, I'm enjoying watching reruns of The Jersey Shore. I just find it to be a hilarious show.

Like A Swift Kick To The - I wasn't impressed with Taylor Swift's Grammy performance, then again I haven't been impressed with any of her live performances (jeez, do I like anything?). Yet it seems to me Swift has been taking a bashing after winning the Album Of The Year Grammy. It's like half the country has gone Kanye West on her. I actually feel sorry for the young multimillionaire.

Mini DVD Reviews:

• The Story Of Anvil - My wife bought the DVD for me as an early Valentine's Day gift. The documentary tells the sad tale of a band who apparently thought This Is Spinal Tap is a life guide, because their story mirrors that fictional group in a lot of ways. Except it's sadder because these are real people and not movie characters. It's actually an emotional experience watching this movie, seeing two guys sense of brotherhood as they cling to a dream of rock and roll stardom that's just out of reach. Ironically, the success of this film has brought them some of the recognition they craved but that's after the fact. The Story of Anvil is a good film with a lot of heart, worth seeing on its own merits.


• The Invention Of Lying - Ricky Gervais (The star of the original British version of The Office) envisions a world where people all over the world only know how to tell the brutal truth. They not only have no idea of what a lie is but not even a word for it. Gervais' character, a documentary film writer (because there's no such thing as a fiction writer) discovers lying and parlays the talent into achieving his dreams. Lying uses its cutesy premise to good effect, having characters bluntly and offhandly state their base thoughts creates some clever social commentary. Boldest of all, the movie suppositions that religion is based on lying without hitting you over the head with it. With that, it's easy to see why this wasn't a blockbuster film. It is a charming comedy nonetheless.