Friday, July 02, 2010

Catching Up With...

What do we do now Dr Zaius?

Some random things came up today so here I am to pontificate on them. I said pontificate, not...forget it. No Cleveland Steamer.

McDonald's Billboards Are Dumb As Hell - First I saw some McDonalds billboard that said something like "This cup of coffee is not Joe, he's Joseph" and then today I saw another one that said "These hotcakes are selling like" with a picture of a hotcake. It's like they hired a third grade class to run their freakin ad campaign. What's the next dumbass slogan going to be? "Childhood obesity live the fantasy?" "Are you stuffin' that egg mcmuffin?" "The French don't want you to have these fries, but we do?" Can I be an ad exec now? Am I hired?

Annoying Bullllllhorn - And the overexposed movie commercial of the week is: Inception. Some crap about Lou Diamond Phillips - no wait, it's Leo DiCaprio - living in dreams and stuff blowing up while upside down and who cares. Watch it's going to be the next Matrix and I'll end up eating my words. All I know is when this commercial hits the tv gets busy and a loud bullhorn blows. Blows like this movie.

A Swaggering Angle Lock - So I was watching Friday Night Smackdown for the first time in months. Jack Swagger is wrasslin Big Show and he's got Show on the ground. Next thing I know Swagger picks up Big Show's foot and applies the Angle Lock (a move where you grab the guy's foot, hold the ankle against your chest and twist the foot). Wow, they gave one of Kurt Angle's signature moves to the new guy. I'm sure Kurt Angle didn't invent the move or anything, he's just the guy I associate the move with the most. Consider me blown away.

Theresa Started It - As much as Danielle on the Real Housewives of New Jersey is a psycho, it was bankrupt diva Theresa that provoked an altercation on a recent episode. After months of no face to face contact between the two, Theresa confronts Danielle at a fashion show to say "hi". It was like when a guy throws some punches and as he gets pulled off the other dude he says "What? I just wanted to talk to him!" There's also a supposed sex tape out there of Danielle in all her plastic surgery altered self and all I can say to that thought is...ewwww No. Hell No! Gotta give props for these gutter trash, you gotta fight for those ratings points!

Not Very R.A.D. - Remember when Motley Crue's Vince Neil crashed a car and killed his friend resulting in a slew of hypocritical rock against drugs adverts? Well, Vince doesn't and so he was arrested for drunk driving again. Right after proclaiming his long term sobriety.

Electric Goof - 80s mall queens Tiffany and Debbie Gibson are gonna battle in a tv movie. Gibson will have to watch out for Tiffany's trademark Egyptian darting hand move best seen in the "I Saw Him Standing There" video. Look out Gibson, she'll take your eye out!

I'm Too Old For This Sh*t - Mad Mel Gibson makes a PR mess again this time throwing around racial insults. Hard to believe once he was so cool, now he's a prime douche.

That's all I got, until the next time.

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