Songs for Minor Medical Treatments

Meet my highly trained medical staff

Welcome to Whose Line is it Anyway?, where everything is made up and the points don't matter. Today we're doing Songs for Minor Medical Treatments, these are songs in a pretend CD set like you buy off Tv like the old KTEL records. By the way, I just want to say Wayne Brady is awesome and I don't care how much he gets put down! Defensive? Who's defensive? On with the story.

Today I had a minor medical treatment, I won't go into the gory details but when I have a significant life event I like to apply media to it (because, well, that's what I do). So I'll tell the story of today. I would like to dedicate this post to my wife whose love and support has been fantastic. My parents were also there for the day which was great, I was happy they were there. Dixie was taken care of by my Mother in law, so thank you to her too (my Mother in law, not Dixie). Also, a big "thank you" to all you people in cyberspace who have shown concern and support as well. Lastly, I would like to thank the Academy...I didn't have a speech prepared, I would like to thank my agent for believing in me, the studio executives who fought to get this film made, the director for having a strong vision and damn I'm rambling again.

Anyway, the day started with looking at my wife's reply to the Richard Wright post that included a link to Cluster One that was a tribute. Once we were ready, we headed out to the hospital as the Journey Revelations CD played. As we approached the parking lot, the song What it Takes to Win came on. Though it was one of my least favorite tracks on the new disc, it fit the moment perfectly as I entered the hospital. Now its a favorite, funny how life can tie into a song in an unexpected way.

Like most HMOs, the process is very bureaucratic and I Feel Like a Number as I turn in my membership card at one desk after another. One cool thing about today was that the desk clerks were really nice today, usually I get the more jaded ones. After waiting in the lobby for a little bit, I was brought to the back to change into a gown and lay in a bed. There seemed to be a long gap of nothing happening so I thought of a song that had meaning for my wife and I, Tom Sawyer. Last night, my wife didn't quite buy my interpretation that the song is about having a rebellious spirit in the modern age. I wonder if I was right, I never bothered to look it up. The song brought me some comfort as I laid there watching people go by, sometimes staring at my bed or chart, but nothing happening and not saying much.

Eventually I was given an IV and sedative as my wife was brought in. The sedative made me a bit loopy and I kept humming I Wanna Be Sedated. My face became itchy and I couldn't scratch it with both arms tied to wires and stuff so my wife was nice enough to oblige. It probably was boring but everything seemed slowed down and delayed anyway. I heard the start to a great joke in the next bed over about God calling Satan on a cell phone and some guy with a mustache making escalators in Hell but then a medical technician talked to me and I missed the punchline! We stayed there for a couple of hours and as any Tom Petty fan knows, The Waiting is the hardest part.

I was carted to the treatment room, again I don't want to get into organs and needles and what not but the song that came to mind was I'm Looking Through You. The staff was friendly and professional, really couldn't ask for better. I was given more sedation and I felt Comfortably Numb. In fact, I felt so numb I fell asleep. When I woke up, The Doctor said "You're done." Surprised, I said "You mean I'm done done?". The Doc confirmed it and I was wheeled off to recovery.

It took a little while for me to be awake for more than a few minutes at a time. Once I was awake, my family was around and we waited as my recovery was wrapped up. We had to wait for my IV medicine to finish and could not wait to Drain You. In the meantime, we had a good laugh talking about the idiot on Monday Night Football who threw away a touchdown because he wanted to do his stupid TD dance. Although HMOs can be bureaucratic and confusing, I haven't been let down by them on important health issues yet and am happy to have a Doctor! Doctor!. I was finally ready to go home, from start to finish it was about a 7 hour process but it was worth it.

My wife took me home and has taken good care of me. At this point the treatment looks successful so hopefully I won't have much more to do, medical wise. It's great to be Home Sweet Home where I can finish recovering. To wrap this up, here's a skit from Whose Line called...Songs for a doctor. Because laughter is the best medicine. And Bunnies.

Whose Line is it Anyway? "Songs for Doctors"