Nothing Gets Between Us And Our Calvin Kleins

My wife was shocked when she heard this Old Navy commercial appear where Salt N Pepa's old school rap hit "Let's Talk About Sex" has been converted to hocking pants.



I was surprised too, how could they, the almighty powers that be, use a controversial song from the 90s in this way? Then it made more sense when I heard another commercial on tv use some version of Duran Duran's "Girls On Film" to sell something too. A song that instantly recalls the classic "night club" version of the video (and I think most people in my age group knows what I'm talking about. "The Chauffeur" too, all arty and black and white.) So that's where we're at in advertising land, they're going to use songs with slightly taboo memories to get our attention now. 'Cause sex and mild controversy sells, as you can tell I still remember the 'ol Brooke Shields jeans campaign. I have to admit it works, I'm writing about it aren't I? And I don't have kids or shop for clothes.

For me it's just another sign of getting older. People my age, most of whom are probably parents, will snap their necks to look at the screen when one of these clips hit the tv. And their kids will sing along to the hook, completely unaware of the original connotation of what they're singing. It's funny how time erases controversy in music, like when I was growing up I never heard Ozzy Osbourne on the radio (he's Satanic and eats animals!) but now can see him on tv whenever and hear "Crazy Train" while shopping for groceries. It's probably how the generation before me felt when they started hearing "Louie Louie" at Johnny Rocket restaurants. They're playing what!! As Johnny Carson used to say, weird wild stuff.

So what's next? George Michael's "I Want Your Subway Sandwich"? Madonna's "Like A Volvo touched for the very first time"? C'mon corporate america, hit this old man with your best shot.

Battle Of The Network Stars

One of the greatest fake bands of all time!

Forget what you've heard, the 80's were a great time for old fashioned rock and roll music. Now forget that I said that. Just kidding, it's Summer time and what would be the celebratory season be without a classic Battle of the Bands? And what Battle of the Bands story would be complete without a tale of young people with no prior musical experience forming a band and winning a check for a whopping $100.00? No, we cannot let Summer pass us by without this staple of all modern media happening. So here we are, Battle of the Network Star Bands. The contestants vying for the all important check prize that will magically pay for a new bike, repairing the dent in your daddy's car door he doesn't know about yet, paying school tuition or making up the difference on the family mortgage are:

Jennie Lee and the Mystery - A multitalented all girl band led by dark haired singer Jennie Lee, her band takes on drugs, thugs and a Pretty Woman to reach for the top.

Cherry Bomb - The end of the world and talking ducks just add to the thunder of this sparkly all girl rock band.

Zack Attack - Hubris has no bounds when you're led by the fearsome Zack Morris, Bayside can't hold this major talent back.

The Barbusters - Probably the least funded of all these groups, this rockin' brother / sister act is definitely born in the USA.

Now you know the players, on with the Tale of the Tape!

Best Drummer:

Who lays the meanest beat in the 80's? Let's see, The Mystery has Mooch, a streetwise girl who can steal vans and manages to play out of time to her own drum beat. She's cute, but don't you tell her so or you'll get a knuckle sandwich! She's better than whatever girl they had for Cherry Bomb, she's plays her Casio looking electronic drum kit standing up a'la Rikki Rocket. Who played drums for The Barbusters? I have no idea. This could be a cakewalk for Mooch until she goes head to head with AC Slater, Bayside's resident football star who doesn't take any preppie crap. Plus I know a certain wife who likes Slater's Tv host winning ways. Extra Extra!

Winner: Mario Lopez (Zack Attack)

Zack Attack draws first blood!

Best Keyboards:

Did the Barbusters have a keyboard player? Jeez, tough going for the Barbusters so far. The Mystery picked up classically trained Nickie, the sensitive type that's hungry for the Mooch. Two easy eliminations right off the bat. Who does Zack Attack have? Screech! He'd win geek sympathy points until you realize it's Dustin Diamond, one of the least sympathetic child stars of all time in his adult form. Then Cherry Bomb goes and stacks the deck with Holly Robinson. She sings (such as the theme song to 21 Jump Street), she dances, she plays amazing keytar!

Winner: Holly Robinson (Cherry Bomb)

Best Bassist:

Now the competition gets fierce. First to go by the wayside is the other anonymous girl from Cherry Bomb, sure she looked all shiny with the Mad Max get up everyone else in the group had but memorable? No. The Barbusters finally get in the running thanks to Michael McKean, Spinal Tap's very own David St. Hubbins himself. McKean pumps up the bass for the Barbusters and proves himself worthy of One Wolf status. He gets a little heat thanks to Zack Attack's Lisa Turtle, the credit card baby with the heart of gold has an appeal but doesn't know one end of her instrument from the other. But hey, what does that matter? Because The Mystery's resident bassist who holds her left handed bass like a ladies handbag and just walked in with her Academy Award - stealing the prize like it was her best friend's wedding.

Winner: Julia Roberts (The Mystery)

Best Guitarist:

Now we're getting somewhere. I'm going to specify lead guitarist for this category to keep Joan Jett from being a shoo in. Because really, who can keep up with an original Runaway? Britta Phillips of The Mystery comes close, as the drug addled dog loving spitfire guitarist. She sings lead on "Mr. Big Stuff" and when you're not looking, transforms into international rock star Jem! She's truly outrageous, truly outrageous. Zack Morris tries to scheme his way into the competition but when faced with real talent like that, he's got nothin'. Too bad for Britta she's in the same category as one Mr. Alex P Keaton - Michael J Fox. He scorches up the fretboard in every seamy dive they could find. Fox could win it free and clear until a certain duck walks in with a guest solo supporting Cherry Bomb. Then Howard the Duck chomps on his cigar and says "Hey Michael J. Fox, I made out with your mom!" leaving Lea Thompson with the shame of explaining to Calvin why she may be on Maury soon with a water fowl. Yet you can't keep Michael J Fox down no matter what life throws at him and that's the secret of his success.

Winner: Michael J Fox (The Barbusters)

Best Lead Singer:

With Alex winning the guitar prize, can Mallory make it a Family Ties sweep fronting her band The Mystery? Justine Bateman brings new meaning to the phrase "hollow vocals" but darn it if she don't look purty banging that cowbell. Lea Thompson has all the right moves to take Bateman out with a better voice and a real love for animals. Zack and Kelly Kapowski may be "Friends Forever" but their love story can't compare to the all out power of Joan Jett. Finally in a category where she can cut loose for six days and nights now, Jett rocks down the house and takes no prisoners. The others never had a chance.

But wait! Ashton Kutcher just took the award and gave it to his Mom - I mean girlfriend, Demi Moore!! Moore comes out of nowhere with solid credentials (she's played a rock singer twice, once in No Small Affair and again in One Crazy Summer) and sultrily lip syncs to Fiona like nobody's business. And unlike Lea Thompson at least the Duckie she had sex with was human. Sorry Joan, you just got Punk'd.

Winner: Demi Moore

With that surprise win the whole contest is up for grabs...

Best Manager / Mentor:

I don't remember The Barbusters having either a manager or mentor, just a disapproving Mom. Where's Elyse Keaton when you need her? Zack Attack has Mr Belding, let's face it though he was always the fall guy for Zack's shenanigans so he really couldn't do much. So we'll clear the room of sharp objects and breakables as two of George Lucas weakest lackeys go to battle. Cherry Bomb's Howard the Duck returns as Cherry Bomb's reason for being. They even wrote a song about the little space alien. Inspiring a band is important, it just isn't as important as inspiring others outside of the band. Jennie Lee and The Mystery has Qui Gon in their corner, a club owning burnt out songwriter who Jennie breathes new life into so he can write beautiful - er, I mean truly crappy songs like "Talk To Me". You hear that? That's the sound of a thousand terrible things headed this way...

Winner: Liam Neeson (The Mystery)

Jennie Lee and the Mystery pulls ahead. Nick would be so proud of his gal Mallory.

Best Signature Song:

Well, Zack Morris recently busted out "Friends Forever" 2009 style making his the most recent song in memory out of this bunch. Jennie Lee has the Stone's classic "Satisfaction" in her corner but the only satisfaction you might get out of it is when it ends. Cherry Bomb's got a theme for their "Howard The Duck" and I'll have to take some geek heat for owning the 45 of this back in the day. Can I hide behind saying Joe Walsh, Thomas Dolby and George Clinton had some involvement with the movie soundtrack? Nope, good thing the Barbusters are here because they come complete with an ass kickin' Springsteen song "Light of Day". One of my favorite songs from The Boss, "Light of Day" thunders along and even gets played by Springsteen himself sometimes.

Winner: "Light of Day" (The Barbusters)

Tie Breaker Round:

The Mystery and The Barbusters are tied! It's Alex versus Mallory in a fight to the finish. What could break this deadlock?

Well, if it was up to Michael Keaton I'm sure he'd implore his kids to share in a communal hippie sense. Then Elyse would bust out her acoustic guitar and start playing "Blowing In The Wind"...

We could end at a tie, until Michael J Fox pulls out the single greatest cinematic rock moment of the 80's. You know that sound you've been looking for? Well listen to this! (special bonus, this clip seems to be in a European language)

So the ultimate winner of the Battle of the Bands is The Barbusters!

Disclaimer: No actual prize exists for any persons real or fictitious. This post is intended solely for entertainment purposes, no contact with any said persons have ever been made. Any rebroadcast, retransmission or replay without the express written consent of Major League Baseball is prohibited. Must be 18 or older. Different taxation rules may apply in the states of Hawaii, Nebraska or Alaska. Limit of five Howard The Duck / Lea Thompson sex joke references per post. I mean, I know it was just a movie but she had to portray essentially a love scene with a Duck. A Duck!! A talking Duck, but still - A Duck!!! The things George Lucas can make you do for a career. I bet if the Star Wars series continued, we would have found out Yoda and Mon Mothma got freaky and are Han Solo's parents. You know, I don't think I've written anything quite this dorky since the 80's. Don't answer that. Rhetorical statement. No recording devices or flash photography allowed. You must be this tall to ride this ride. Do not leave any items inside your car that you do not wish to be stolen, we will not accept responsibility if your car is broken in to. Look both ways before crossing the street.

I'm Not Joking

With all the death in the news lately I went looking for some humor online and found this great spoof of the Joker interrogation scene from The Dark Knight. If you've seen the movie, I'm pretty sure you'll get the jokes here. This guy who has a You Tube name of Monkey and Apple plays both Joker and Batman really well. Fun stuff!

Rock Is Dead / Long Live Rock

Can Rock and Roll ever be this exciting again?

A few weeks ago an article on CNN featuring Steve Van Zandt spurred a lot of talk on the blogs I like to read about whether or not Rock is dead. To oversimplify, Van Zandt's position was that rock music had drifted so far from its original intent that it had become rootless and empty. Tom Petty once compared the current rock music to professional wrestling, everyone knows its fake. Which leads to the question of if they are right? Is Rock dead?

Well, to me it depends on your definition of dead. In terms of Rock and Roll being a dominant art form in popular culture, it's been dead for a long time. After Grunge died, so did rock and roll to me. That was the last powerful artistic movement in Rock and Roll, by the late '90's the strongest popular music form in terms of creativity and impact was Hip Hop. For the most part I don't care for Hip Hop, I just can't deny that it took over as the rebellious dance music of youth. Even during Grunge it was about even with Hip Hop, once that ended kids dropped the guitars and wanted to be rappers. The Rock that The Who represented, the rock that was dangerous, shocked the establishment and explored new ideas both cultural and musical in a way that had broad impact on the World, was dead.

At the same time, that didn't mean that people lost complete interest in Rock. There were still kids growing up who found a voice in the various styles of Rock music and some new groups have even pushed some innovation along the way. Some bands can still make it big, I'm watching a Coldplay concert on tv right now that shows them playing a sold out arena in Japan. It's like Jazz, the music form still exists and new artists emerge that perform meaningful music - they just can't have the edge or dominate pop culture as prior artists once did. Rock bands are a simple commodity that need to rely on faceless digital distribution or sell their CDs at Wal Mart or Target to get over to a sizeable audience. In that respect, Rock music will continue. Some of it will sparkle and shine, yet it will only be as cutting edge as the box of detergent or twelve pack of soda it sits next to in the shopping cart.

So with this in mind plus I'm almost done with my 100 favorite CDs of all time list, I'm going to start a new list of my favorite Cds of the past ten years. My Favorite Albums Of The 2000s. Just because the party is over doesn't mean we still can't have fun. And it's not like I have a problem with commercialized Rock music, when done right it's great stuff. Long Live Rock!

Get A Taste

I loved my Star Trek Bridge set with the transporter and the dolls with the chokeable parts.

Like a lot of kids, growing up with Star Trek and Star Wars and Super Hero dolls, pretending they were doing super action whatever was a key part of childhood. These days kids don't just play with these dolls, they grow up and make animated shorts with them. The TV show Robot Chicken is based entirely on this idea and after seeing a memorable episode this weekend I decided to post a little about two of my favorites.

The first one is from a series the G4 channel did when they were airing Star Trek reruns. They used the old dolls from the 70's to have Spock act with a hip hop personality bringing the party to the rest of the Star Trek crew. The one where they do a take off on MTV Cribs was the funniest to me

The second one came from Robot Chicken, where Strawberry Shortcake and her crew get lethal after someone stole her friend's "black cherry". A made up character named Bitch Pudding gets the best parts, particularly at the end where she says "Blam! You all get a taste of the Bitch Pudding" and flips everyone off. It's one of the funniest things I've seen in a while though the video doesn't show the full context.

Thank You Some Kinda Wonderful!

Today I came home from work and my wife was very happy. She told me that Some Kinda Wonderful had sent us a Valentine's gift that included home made fudge. I had a taste of the four different types of fudge, Milk Chocolate Cherry Walnut, White Chocolate Cranberry Almond, Dark Chocolate Peppermint and White Chocolate Peppermint. They tasted fantastic! I seriously can't remember the last time I had fudge this good. Thank you Some Kinda Wonderful. This is a very nice gift. You're awesome!

I hope you and your husband have a great Valentine's Day. You've made ours very special.

Random Musings On The Grammy Awards

I hate to say it, but I really don't know a single thing about Lil Wayne or his music. He was funny on Letterman though.

I wanted to do a post about the Grammys but I couldn't come up with a firm theme so I'm going random here. Robert Plant and Alison Krauss won a bunch of awards including Album of the Year. Although the Golden God and my favorite Country singer make a good pair I just haven't felt strongly about getting their CD Raising Sand. Guess I'll have to change that. I'm such a sucker for award winning stuff.

This meant Radiohead was denied their chance to win the big award that some thought would go their way. Oh well, lets face it if they were big winners it would undermine their whole "I'm a creep I'm a weirdo" vibe. Coldplay won for Song of the Year for the excellent "Viva La Vida" which is pretty awesome. I'm sure Joe Satriani was sitting there with a calculator figuring out how much more he was gonna sue for.

Adele won Best New Artist which would be cool if it wasn't for the curse attached to that award (Milli Vanilli anyone?). I read Radiohead and Jennifer Hudson gave good performances, I'll have to look around online to check them out. And that's all I got out of the Grammys this year. All the attention quickly went off the Grammys anyway as the Chris Brown and maybe Rihanna debacle has sucked up all the drama. If the rumors are true, all I can say is that's sad. How do I wrap up a random post like this?

I know, I'd like to thank - (music starts and my mike cuts out to tell me to get off the stage).

Focus On: Turnin' Tricks for Kenny Loggins

You oughta be in pictures: Cheap Trick makes some noise for Hollywood

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I was racking my brain trying to think of a different way to say something about Cheap Trick since I'm planning on seeing the famed power poppers this weekend. They've had a unique career arc where very little ever went as planned (with the exception of 1988's Lap of Luxury record, that went exactly as planned) and had a mix of highs and lows. After a couple of throwaway ideas, I decided it would be fun to cover their career from strictly a movie soundtrack perspective.

That's where Kenny Loggins comes in. Until the 90's Kenny Loggins was the undisputed king of the movie soundtrack. He could rock, but in a streamlined and inoffensive way. He could do wimpy ballads or bellow his way through a rocked out love song. All with a finely trimmed beard and a smile. Kenny was made for the big money movie soundtracks and often appeared on the most successful of them (Top Gun, Footloose). Make no mistake, Kenny Loggins is Nobody's Fool (Caddyshack 2 soundtrack).

Movie soundtracks grew and changed in the 80's as they became pop music samplers that were sometimes bigger than the films that spawned them. Like the Now That's What I Call Music series of today, when done right you got a cross section of current artists, classic tunes and cheap videos with film scenes inserted in. For current artists, it just meant they had to be willing to play the game: It wasn't about creating music, it was about filling an order on spec. And, not puttin' them down, that was something Cheap Trick did not have a problem with. The band's sound of classic Beatles choruses, driving Arena Rock guitars and odd sense of humor made them critics darlings and big rock stars in the 70's. But by the 80's their creative well suddenly dried up and they became more hit and miss (though I became a fan at this time and bought each album as it came out from One on One up to Busted, I even owned The Doctor once. Think I needed a doctor after hearing that one).

So I'm going to cover their soundtrack songs which sort of provided markers for different trends in the movies and the tunes that went with them. The focus will be on songs written for or promoted as new for a specific movie, meaning I won't be counting the millions of times "I Want You To Want Me" or "Surrender" have been used (except for one small exception towards the end).

Rock & Roll Fantasy

In the late 70's Rock and Roll was still considered outsider music even though it was getting more mainstream. As relatively clean cut Arena Rock bands dominated the airwaves the music was still associated with sex, drugs and/or Satan. So when Cheap Trick made the hard edged Everything Works If You Let It for the film Roadie (1980) it wasn't much of a stretch. A song I like a lot, "Everything" rocks in classic Trick manner with a raucous groove colliding with Magical Mystery Tour melodicism. Of all their soundtrack songs, this was the most natural and hardest rocking cut.

Animation Domination

For about a year cartoons were the answer to cinematic rock. Able to become more fanciful and dark with animation than live action, filmmakers focused on making movies like The Wall (1980) or American Pop (1981) allowing the music to help take viewers on a wild ride. Starting with the Sci Fi classic Heavy Metal (1981) the Trick gave two songs including their most pure backing tune I Must Be Dreaming which is mostly instrumental. The guitars are recognizably by Rick Nielsen and vocalist Robin Zander makes an appearance but most of it is this steamrolling groove dotted by keyboards like some high tech thing must be happening on screen. Three songs were written for Rock & Rule (1983) two of which hit hard but in a similar way. Born to Raise Hell and "I'm the Man" both brought fury and power to decent songs. The third one was the late night bar ballad Ohm Sweet Ohm which is excellent. But America's flirtation with pen drawn rockers ended fast as any sense of artistic highbrow was replaced by...

Cheap Trick Gone Wild

Teen sex comedies became the "in" thing as Porky's (1982) drew a ton of teens who wanted to see what they couldn't show you on tv. Rock and Roll and teens go hand in hand so movie music was adapted as light, feel good anthems of mischief to a series of low budget flicks. At the same time, Cheap Trick's commercial and artistic fortunes were sliding fast so they probably needed the cash. I haven't heard the title song for Spring Break (1983) but I have fond memories of Up the Creek (1984) because it's one of my favorite Cheap Trick songs. I just read Rick Nielsen considered this song one of the worst he's written, but I still love it and even had bought the soundtrack back then just for Up the Creek!

Kenny Loggins Padowan Learner

By '86 the band had sunk pretty low and it seemed like the record company began to dictate their actions as a result. In addition to using outside songwriters for more commercial material they adapted to the current film scene again. They followed the Sith Loggins to Top Gun (1986) and Caddyshack 2 (1988) , recording a tune I consider one of their worst: Mighty Wings. The song was your run of the mill fast rock beat encased in steely synthesizer carbonite as Robin Zander howled about sky or wings or some kinda crap. It wouldn't have been as bad if it had been billed to just Zander since he's the only recognizable part of the group in the whole mess. But it wasn't and so the best selling soundtrack Cheap Trick appeared on did zilch for their career. I'm overstating the case but it's tragic man! They also recorded mediocre songs for Say Anything (1988) and Another Way (1988). At least on their regular albums the marketing strategy paid off as The Flame burned its way to #1.

Mike Reno got a cool headband and all I got was this duet...

In 1989 Robin Zander finally got some soundtrack glory for himself. Teaming up with the Loverboy vocalist's partner from Footloose's Almost Paradise, Zander and Heart's Ann Wilson recorded Surrender to Me which actually was a sizable hit. A pleasant ballad with those awesome 80's glowing keyboards, it had a life separate from the Mel Gibson movie that spawned it. Rock ballads were just as important to movies as they were to Hair bands and everyone loves a soft rock duet. Hey, maybe they'll play this song this weekend! That would be killer.

Drago!

As the makers of South Park noted, in modern film making you need to have a Montage. Why have writing and acting when you could play a rock song to boost energy and cut a bunch of images together? For training sequences it was a fast upbeat rock song and for love scenes a power ballad, as long as you got the feeling that the characters are working or lovin' it did the job. So nearly all soundtrack songs started to sound like it went to a montage even if it didn't. Taken at face value, these songs weren't bad and could be pretty listenable when you're in the mood. And I Will Survive from Gladiator (1992) sounds Rocky X ready with it's generic Go Get 'Em attitude (it's not the disco song). Meanwhile, a Diane Warren penned power ballad Wherever Would I Be was snapped up from their Busted album for the Look Who's Talking Too movie. Because John Travolta and Kirstie Alley need a song to love to. Makes you want to climb a snow covered mountain and yell, doesn't it?

Woke Up With A Monster

By 1992 Grunge and Alternative had taken over MTV leaving older bands scrambling for relevance. Already dealt a blow by the failure of the Busted album, Cheap Trick employed a movie move many of their peers had used - the gratuitously over produced cover song. The subject: Encino Man (1992). The song: Wild Thing. A clunky, frantic arrangement where the band tries to downplay and distort the famous song hook. Embarrassingly bad, even if it does keep the awesome drummer Bun E Carlos busy. Fortunately for Cheap Trick, alternative nation embraced their 70's stuff keeping their name around. That goodwill saved the band from joining the long list of has beens at that time.

Big Stardom

What goes around comes around, Cheap Trick's biggest break in the 90's came by way of a TV theme song. Going into the second season, That 70's Show brought in the Tricksters to cover Big Star's In The Street which was being used as the program's theme song. So Cheap Trick made it over into a song that, ironically, sounded as natural as their classic material. Their version of In The Street wasn't a monster smash but it got Trick their most press in years. Tagging the end with "Surrender" was a nice touch as well. The 70's revival fad was short lived but at least it lasted long enough for Cheap Trick. A great song well covered.

And we've come full circle. Cheap Trick played the soundtrack game well and occasionally fit in what made them distinct. While they could never keep up with Sith Loggins (I'm poking fun, I don't mind Kenny Loggins generally) Cheap Trick was able to adapt to the latest trends in music and film with some success. And movies utilized bands like Cheap Trick, at first to acquire Rock & Roll's rebel spirit and rambunctious life but eventually to sell product in an assembly line fashion. It's a trend that's lasted up to the present, as a slew of teenage singer/dancers sing "rock" songs in teen musicals. The larger debt may be to David Cassady or Shaun Cassady but the evolution of rock soundtracks is in there somewhere. Really! Da Do Ron Ron.

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A bonus for me, while searching out these videos I came across a song I haven't heard in decades because it's from the out of print Standing on the Edge (1985) album. The sound and video quality isn't great but I'm really pumped that I get to hear "Little Sister" again.

Cheap Trick "Little Sister"

Songs for Minor Medical Treatments

Meet my highly trained medical staff

Welcome to Whose Line is it Anyway?, where everything is made up and the points don't matter. Today we're doing Songs for Minor Medical Treatments, these are songs in a pretend CD set like you buy off Tv like the old KTEL records. By the way, I just want to say Wayne Brady is awesome and I don't care how much he gets put down! Defensive? Who's defensive? On with the story.

Today I had a minor medical treatment, I won't go into the gory details but when I have a significant life event I like to apply media to it (because, well, that's what I do). So I'll tell the story of today. I would like to dedicate this post to my wife whose love and support has been fantastic. My parents were also there for the day which was great, I was happy they were there. Dixie was taken care of by my Mother in law, so thank you to her too (my Mother in law, not Dixie). Also, a big "thank you" to all you people in cyberspace who have shown concern and support as well. Lastly, I would like to thank the Academy...I didn't have a speech prepared, I would like to thank my agent for believing in me, the studio executives who fought to get this film made, the director for having a strong vision and damn I'm rambling again.

Anyway, the day started with looking at my wife's reply to the Richard Wright post that included a link to Cluster One that was a tribute. Once we were ready, we headed out to the hospital as the Journey Revelations CD played. As we approached the parking lot, the song What it Takes to Win came on. Though it was one of my least favorite tracks on the new disc, it fit the moment perfectly as I entered the hospital. Now its a favorite, funny how life can tie into a song in an unexpected way.

Like most HMOs, the process is very bureaucratic and I Feel Like a Number as I turn in my membership card at one desk after another. One cool thing about today was that the desk clerks were really nice today, usually I get the more jaded ones. After waiting in the lobby for a little bit, I was brought to the back to change into a gown and lay in a bed. There seemed to be a long gap of nothing happening so I thought of a song that had meaning for my wife and I, Tom Sawyer. Last night, my wife didn't quite buy my interpretation that the song is about having a rebellious spirit in the modern age. I wonder if I was right, I never bothered to look it up. The song brought me some comfort as I laid there watching people go by, sometimes staring at my bed or chart, but nothing happening and not saying much.

Eventually I was given an IV and sedative as my wife was brought in. The sedative made me a bit loopy and I kept humming I Wanna Be Sedated. My face became itchy and I couldn't scratch it with both arms tied to wires and stuff so my wife was nice enough to oblige. It probably was boring but everything seemed slowed down and delayed anyway. I heard the start to a great joke in the next bed over about God calling Satan on a cell phone and some guy with a mustache making escalators in Hell but then a medical technician talked to me and I missed the punchline! We stayed there for a couple of hours and as any Tom Petty fan knows, The Waiting is the hardest part.

I was carted to the treatment room, again I don't want to get into organs and needles and what not but the song that came to mind was I'm Looking Through You. The staff was friendly and professional, really couldn't ask for better. I was given more sedation and I felt Comfortably Numb. In fact, I felt so numb I fell asleep. When I woke up, The Doctor said "You're done." Surprised, I said "You mean I'm done done?". The Doc confirmed it and I was wheeled off to recovery.

It took a little while for me to be awake for more than a few minutes at a time. Once I was awake, my family was around and we waited as my recovery was wrapped up. We had to wait for my IV medicine to finish and could not wait to Drain You. In the meantime, we had a good laugh talking about the idiot on Monday Night Football who threw away a touchdown because he wanted to do his stupid TD dance. Although HMOs can be bureaucratic and confusing, I haven't been let down by them on important health issues yet and am happy to have a Doctor! Doctor!. I was finally ready to go home, from start to finish it was about a 7 hour process but it was worth it.

My wife took me home and has taken good care of me. At this point the treatment looks successful so hopefully I won't have much more to do, medical wise. It's great to be Home Sweet Home where I can finish recovering. To wrap this up, here's a skit from Whose Line called...Songs for a doctor. Because laughter is the best medicine. And Bunnies.

Whose Line is it Anyway? "Songs for Doctors"

Happy Birthday Bunny!

Today is my wife's birthday, so I just wanted to say I love you Bunny! Have a great day!

Stevie Wonder "I Just Called To Say I Love You"

This One Goes to 11

Putting together the pieces of Star Trek 11

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With the release of the posters for the upcoming Star Trek 11, I thought back to the most important television show I ever saw in my life and came up with a little retrospective. Trek 11 has some things going against it, the recasting of key roles always draws fan boys ire when the comparisons start and it's an odd numbered Trek film. While my fandom waned as the original crew went to pasture, I have seen all the Star Trek series (though not in their entirety). So here it goes, my recollections of Trek in order of preference.

1. Star Trek: The Original Series (1966 - 1969)

There's a book that says "Everything I needed to know in life I learned through Star Trek" or something like that, that book title pretty much sums up my experience. The original show had fantastic characters, great stories and a prescient cultural image. All of the characters were memorable, particularly "the big three" of William Shatner's swaggering Captain Kirk, Leonard Nimoy's analytical Mr Spock and Deforest Kelley's irascible Doctor McCoy. Great episodes like "Balance of Terror" and "City on the Edge of Forever" displayed action, space adventure and social commentary disguised as pure Sci Fi. But the biggest impact to me was the general concept, the idea that people of all races and cultures would be able to overcome differences to establish a unified Earth and explore the galaxy. And so much technology from our present has been clearly modeled after Trek whether they're communicators (cell phones) or phasers (stun guns). The Original Series had its cornball moments ("The Omega Glory") but was the strongest influence on my childhood outside of my family. That's because Kirk proved you CAN mix matter and anti-matter cold. I'm a blogger, not an engineer!

2. Star Trek - The Motion Picture thru Star Trek VI (1979 - 1991)

Sportin' the pajama uniform look from Star Trek-The Motion Picture

Despite having the same cast and characters, I consider The Original Series and the first six movies to be two separate things. That's for two reasons: There was a ten year gap between the two and the Great Bird of the Galaxy Gene Roddenberry saw his involvement reduced after the first movie. Star Trek - The Motion Picture was a staggering monument to the cerebral vision Roddenberry had of the future...and it was really boring. Starting with one of the greatest movies of all time Star Trek II - The Wrath of Khan, The Federation moved with the times by becoming more militant ("Admiral on the Bridge!") and driven by the equivalent of nuclear fear ("What if Genesis was used where life exists? It would destroy such life, in favor of its new matrix"). Producer Harve Bennett and Directors Nicholas Meyer and Leonard Nimoy drove the films to Star Fleet magic. The rest of the series was all about Spock - Spock died, go get Spock to resurrect him, Spock gets funny, Spock takes a back seat to Kirk and then Spock solves the mystery of universal peace. All because the needs of the many outweighed the needs of the few.

3. Star Trek Voyager (1995 - 2001)

a fitting picture for Voyager, they look ready to throw down!

For me, one of the key components of Star Trek was exploration. Voyager excelled at this by getting tossed into the Delta quadrant with no Star Fleet to support them. Led by the strong willed Captain Janeway, the Voyager crew had a solid mix of characters and one breakout star-Borg babe Seven of Nine. I haven't seen all of the episodes so when I watch Voyager, its usually for the first time which is nice because there's always some new Trek to view. While Voyager lacked charismatic characters overall, they had the best adventures of any of the modern shows by wrestling with the quest to explore versus the need for survival. It was the scrappiest of the Star Treks and I enjoy watching the Voyager blow up one episode after another (it always turns out to be some time space continuum fake out). Other than Kirk, Janeway is the one Star Fleet Captain you don't want to mess with. Once you've hit her, she'll go through hell and back just to jack you up.

4. Star Trek: The Next Generation (1987 - 1994) and Star Trek: Generations thru Nemesis (1994 - 2002)

Looks like somebody bought Khan's line about rich Corinthian leather bucket seats.

When Roddenberry announced he was creating a new Star Trek series, ripples went through the Sci Fi community. How could it live up to the original? And so millions sat down for the much ballyhooed debut episode in 1987 - and watched a British sounding Frenchman Captain a new Enterprise that had the plush interior of a Chrystler LeBaron walk through a two hour episode that basically remade Star Trek - The Motion Picture. For a few seasons, Roddenberry got to give a full dose of what his vision entailed: Intellectual and caring people exploring the universe to gain knowledge and create peaceful relationships with other cultures from a moral and ethical position. When Roddenberry decreased his input after season two ended, the show changed a little to make the characters less perfect and more relatible. The Borg (resistance is futile), Data vs Lore, expanding the Klingon mythos were all great accomplishments in the Star Trek Universe.

Considered the best Trek by many, I just didn't like it as much as the originals or Voyager. For one thing, there was way too much technobabble - like I could complete this post if I reroute the Impulse engines on Deck 12 through the sensor array to create a tachyon field around the Dyson sphere unless I overload the Warp Core resulting in rerouting subcircuits through life support...talk like this just went on and on. I hate to think what engineering marvel they would have to pull off if the toilets jammed on Ten Forward. Also, they hardly explored anything. The Enterprise seemed to go to known parts of the Galaxy most of the time, more like a patrol boat than an exploratory vessel. And how many times do they need Data or Wesley Crusher to save them? If it wasn't for androids and children they would have been so screwed. To the show's credit, the characters were well drawn and acted. And the show continued the spirit of the original series in making modern social commentary among laser beams and funny costumes. And the movie First Contact was awesome. A special bonus was my wife and I were compared to Beverly Crusher and Picard while we were dating (mainly because I'm bald). Make it so!

5. Star Trek - The Animated Series (1973 - 1974)

The last two years of the five year mission were a little cartoonish. Oohh, that's bad.

Just when kids thought Star Trek was just the same three seasons of episodes repeating endlessly, we got a treat on Saturday mornings when the Sci Fi show was revived as a cartoon. They thoughtfully used the animation to show landscapes and characters not possible with the special effects of the day and struck a strong balance between kiddie tv and the show's serious nature. And no cartoon could contain the full power of Shatner! In the early 70's, these episodes made my day. And the episode where Spock is a kid and his pet dies is a classic.

6. Star Trek: Enterprise (2001 - 2005)

When ratings are low, logic dictates the girl's clothes should come off

The Star Trek that tried everything it could not to be Star Trek. Enterprise tried to have it both ways by playing with Trek lore of the formation of Star Fleet while acting like it was Babylon 5. Sexy Vulcans, the first transporter, the Quantum Leap guy as Captain and a Diane Warren theme song wasn't enough to hide the fact that there had been too many Treks at this point. The only new wrinkle on this show was the more desperate they got for ratings, the more often girls had to strip down to their skivvies to "decontaminate". With nothing new to do, the Enterprise seemed like a show in search of a mission. Time to jump out Sam.

7. Star Trek: Deep Space Nine (1993 - 1999)

Gold Press Latinum lovin' fiend!

There are many Trek fans who love this show and if they read this they'll probably not be too happy about my ranking. I can't stand Deep Space Nine, I find it relentlessly dull. If the original Trek was Wagon Train, Deep Six Nine was Gunsmoke with Captain Sisko as Sheriff.

Yes, there was a lot of characterization and they eventually added Worf. But the only character I truly liked on this show was Quark, the sleazy Ferengi whose blatant attempts at manipulation caused chaos - upsetting security officer Play Doh (Ono? Odo? Ohno? What was the guy from Benson's name?) . He always said Quark's name with the same amount of stuck up contempt he said Benson's. And then he would transform into a pool of Jello. Can I stand the excitement?

I don't know, it was like the Star Trek B players to me with a bunch of second stringers slapped together in a tiny little spot next to a wormhole. They had wars, some mystic mumbo jumbo about Sisko being "The One" or something...I just didn't watch enough to care. Miles O' Brien was robbed! He should have stayed on the Enterprise.

And this brings us full circle. Can Star Trek 11 live up to the legacy of past Treks? I'm skeptical. But then, that's how I go into any new Star Trek venture anyway. Beam me up, Scotty.

Additional Note: I just noticed the website that had the Captain Kirk inspirational poster above asked if a link to their site could be added if the poster is used-so here it is:

http://echosphere.net/star_trek_insp/star_trek_insp.html

Batman and Me

You ever dance with the devil in the pale moonlight?

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With all the hype going into the new Batman The Dark Knight movie, I thought I would take a look back at the caped crusader from a personal perspective. After all, like a lot of kids I grew up on various versions of Bruce Wayne's alter ego. The ultimate orphan loner, Batman was either the coolest vigilante or the dumbest dork on the planet depending on which phase you caught him.

Batman (1966-1968)

As a boy I wanted to be Batman. But not just any Batman...old...chum...but the Adam West Batman. The one with the Batarangs, Bat shields, Bat metal detector, Bat Dance, Bat Gut...probably had a Bat condom somewhere-Bat everything! He had the best Batmobile with the siren and red trim and I've heard it drives as fast as 30 mph. Well, when you're a kid you don't know these things so it all seemed amazing. The Villains were well cast with Burgess Merideth as the wah wah wah Penguin, Frank Gorshin's obnoxious Riddler and a multitude of Catwomen to Wong Foo for. And even as a young boy, I found Bat Girl very watchable. I can't watch the show now that I'm older, but when I was a kid it was Bat-tastic. Holy Childhood Batman!

The Dark Knight Returns (1986)

I used to read comic books but by 1986 I had pretty much stopped. My brother collected comics (and still does) and one he had was The Dark Knight Returns which stood out because it had a thicker cover than most comic books. I read it and was engrossed in this nihilistic view of the Detective. Made by Frank Miller whose work I appreciated from the Daredevil comic, the future was going to hell and the Joker was having a field day killing people left and right. An older Bruce Wayne / Batman had to struggle with battling evil in a place where moral and economic decay was standard order and Superman stood for the extremist right. This comic singlehandedly recast Batman from campy fool to brooding vigilante. I think it is the best comic I've ever read. Holy Dystopia Batman!

Batman (1989)

The Dark Knight comic spurred interest in 'ol Bats leading to the development of a new Batman movie helmed by Director Tim Burton (Pee Wee's Big Adventure). Burton's whimsical and Gothic influences added dark humor and showed a willingness to explore some of the darker psychiatric implications of the Bruce Wayne character. The action sequences were a little more cartoonish than I preferred (The Joker shoots down the Batplane with one bullet if I remember right) and Jack Nicholson pretty much ran away with the movie. A summer blockbuster, the media was saturated with Batman everywhere. But there were plenty of good points to keep the movie going, not least of which was Burton's distinct visual style and an excellent Michael Keaton (Mr. Mom) who was controversial for being to old and comedic to handle Batman when cast. Once Keaton was done, he had become the definitive actor for the role. I must have seen this movie a thousand times. The Prince and Danny Elfman soundtrack had some good songs too. Holy Mass Marketing Batman!

Batman Returns (1992)

The success of Batman meant it was time for a franchise. Burton and Keaton return and bring Michelle Pfeiffer in as Catwoman and Danny Devito along as Penguin. My favorite of the Batman movies, Pfeiffer does an outstanding Catwoman and has some heat with Keaton. Devito also gives a great performance, one of the few times he doesn't give that one note little guy with a grouchy attitude schtick. Burton allows space for character development and even builds some sympathy up for Penguin. Plus the awesome Christopher Walken. I liked that Batman seemed to have more presence in his own movie this time. Very good popcorn flick even if it retreads most of the ideas from the prior movie. Holy Reruns Batman!

Batman Forever (1995)

Both Burton and Keaton must have gotten tired of Bats, because neither one of them returned for the next movie. With Burton's direction guiding the franchise, the filmmakers thought they needed someone with a strong visual style. Instead, they got Joel Schumaker (Flatliners). Just kidding, Schumaker has a very strong splashy colorful visual style it's just depth he lacks (his big contribution? Bat Nipples. Uh, yeah). Iceman Val Kilmer (Top Gun) is brought in to be Bruce Wayne and while he's no Keaton, Kilmer is more believable in the action sequences because of his comparative build and youth. Nicole Kidman is accompanied by scenery chewing performances from Jim Carrey as the Riddler and Tommy Lee Jones as Two Face. This was so-so Batman, just good enough to carry the momentum from the prior two movies. I stopped caring at this point even though Seal had a great song on the soundtrack. I actually didnt see this until after I had watched Batman and Robin. Holy dullsville Batman!

Batman and Robin (1997)

Can something possibly be worse on an artistic level than the TV show? The answer was a resounding Yes! Batman and Robin brought George Clooney into the role so he could put a mask over his best known asset. Schumaker seemed to have more creative control because there was even less plot and Alicia Silverstone is clueless as Batgirl. At least Uma Thurman seems to know what's going on, she pours on the sultry yet slightly awkward sex appeal and steals everyone elses' thunder. The Governator collects his paycheck as Mr Freeze. Dreary and dull, Clooney's I-stare-in-your-eyes-a-long-time-because-I'm-deep acting tic is even funnier with a Bat mask. Makes him look cross eyed. Holy Crap Batman!

Batman Begins (2005)

After eight years, the decision to start up Batman again was made and a Director who specializes in dark cerebral themes was brought in (Christopher Nolan of Memento and Insomnia fame). Nolan immediately doles out a dilapidated Gotham City for Bruce Wayne to lurk around in and tells an engaging origin story that includes Rahs A Ghuls (sp?) and Scarecrow. Dark in tone with a focused Christian Bale in the lead role, the new Batman has more gravitas and brooding than the Burton films while returning to the edgier themes of those films and the Dark Knight comic. A strong reboot to the series and a lot of fun to watch. Holy American Psycho Batman!

As you can see, Batman went in and out of favor with me during the years. But the appeal of the original concept, a gadgety masked man with unlimited resources and a cool car has it's appeal. He'll never outrun his campy image, but at his best Batman makes self pitying schizophrenic psychotic millionaires with a serious hard rubber fetish fun.

Tale of the Tape

Choose your weapon of choice!

After some feedback, I thought it would be fun to cover Tom Selleck and his career from the 80's thru to now. My Aunt is a huge fan of Mr. Selleck which is where a lot of my info about his background comes from. Selleck was a huge volleyball enthusiast, made Western movies and has a wife named Jillie Mack. But, they say that greatness can only be measured in comparison to something else. Actually, I made that up, but I'm going with that excuse to compare the two greatest mustaches of the 80's. So, Selleck will compete with John Oates, one half of the duo Hall and Oates. It's Tom Selleck versus John Oates for the title of greatest 'stache!

What the mustache says:

Selleck: "I'm mature, but I'm a rebel too. I have facial hair."

Oates: "When combined with the puffy hair, it's porn star magic baby!"

Winner: Oates

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Raw Talent:

Selleck: One of the most well rounded leading men of the 1980s. He had a laid back charm that comes from...well, being a guy that the ladies love. He could do action, he could do comedy and drama in equal measure to his talent.

Oates: He provided great background vocals and rhythm guitar to the most successful duo in Rock history. Oates also released a solo album called Phunk Shui. And that's about it.

Winner: Selleck

Action:

Selleck: Selleck spent the decade kicking butt as only a Hawaiian Ferrari driving Tigers hat wearing Private Investigator could on Magnum P.I. (1980-1988) He also ripped Gene Simmons a new one in my favorite Selleck flick Runaway (1984) while dodging acid shooting metal spiders and smart bullets. He saw construction site action in Three Men and a Baby (1987). Selleck also fired his guns in Westerns like Quigley Down Under (1991). His athleticism always made Selleck believable in his action sequences.

Oates: Did you see him shake that stick in the video for "Adult Education"? Dangerous!

Winner: Selleck

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Comedy:

Selleck: Tom Selleck showed some comedy chops in the Three Men and a Baby / Little Lady movies (1987 / 1990) as well as the rom com Her Alibi (1989). He also was in the comedy In & Out (1997) as well playing a gay man chasing after Kevin Kline. But his best known comedic performance was on the tv show Friends (1996-1997) as the older guy dancing in the dark with Courtney Cox. His laid back demeanor allows Selleck to fire off slightly deadpan reactions to situations with great humor.

Oates: In "Method of Modern Love" he rides sideways on a trolley, swimming through the clouds. Priceless!

Winner: Oates. The clouds...he's swimming through them!

Drama:

Selleck: In An Innocent Man (1989) he was wrongly imprisoned and had to fight off convicts and crooked cops. Then, in my favorite dramatic role of Selleck's he was a fading Baseball player who acted like a jerk to everyone in Mr Baseball (1992). It takes guts for a leading man actor to play an unlikeable character, Selleck took that chance.

Oates: In the only single I know of that Oates took a lead vocal on, "Possession Obsession", he's all business singing doo wop in the New York night while driving a Taxi.

Winner: Are you kidding me? Oates of course! He's driving a Taxi. Not everyone can do that.

Girls Dig 'Em:

Selleck: As I said before, the ladies love Tom Selleck. On screen, he's been with every 80's TV hottie girl you can think of on Magnum, plus he was in Her Alibi with supermodel Paulina Porizkova. Runaway had both Cynthia Rhodes and Kirstie Alley. And he married Nancy Travis in Three Men and a Little Lady.

Oates: He was always around that weird dancing blond girl with the Breck hair...oh wait, that's Daryl Hall. As a plaster casting Lois Griffin (Family Guy) once said to Daryl Hall, she's not coming back for Oates.

Winner: Selleck

Now for the tie breaker-

Luck:

Selleck: He was Magnum P.I., but that role prevented him from starring as Indiana Jones in Raiders of the Lost Ark (1980). Selleck got stuck on the High Road to China (1983) instead. And now he's not being allowed into the Magnum P.I. movie because he's considered "too old" next to the stoner dude that's replacing him-Matthew McCaughnahey (spelled wrong, but it's the stoner dude so who cares?)

Oates: I've heard various stories, the one I like to think is true is that Oates met Daryl Hall in an elevator when they were trying to escape a gang fight.

Winner: Oates!

If it seems like this contest was rigged, that's because it was. No one's ever going to beat John Oates for best mustache of the 80's. That's just the way it is. But there's no shame in losing because Tom Selleck is an excellent actor that can be placed into pretty much any role and excel. And did I mention the ladies love him? John Oates was an important part of the Hall & Oates duo because, well, Hall just couldn't get much interest without Oates. Hall needed his foil. This has been a tale of the tape.

Midnight Madness - My Summer Vacation by Mr Mike

Spending time with the cute little Bunny!

Well, Vacation's about over for me so I thought I would write a little recap of my time off the last two weeks with my wonderful wife Bunny.

Ewok Village - First, we went to Muir Woods, a peaceful place filled with tall trees that have been around for ages. It was a cool, pleasant walk through nature and the place where scenes of Return of the Jedi was filmed. My wife did the Ewok horn call a couple of times. I kept thinking of the "Nub Nub" song at the end of the original Jedi. Looks like the real title might be Yub Nub .

Do you know the way to San Jose? - We had wanted to see San Jose's Japantown for a long time. The website made it look like an exciting place to be. Instead what we found was about a three block ghost town with some shops and very little of interest. The song that goes with this? Everybody Knows This is Nowhere .

Wall E - We had a good time at the movies watching Pixar's Wall-E. At the end, we were surprised to hear the voice of Peter Gabriel singing a song from the soundtrack called Down to Earth .

My Mom's Birthday - My mom had a birthday which we celebrated by having a BBQ at my parents house. It was a fun time and we played a challenging game of Who Wants To Be A Millionaire. After playing the board game, I can almost understand why something like this would happen. Almost.

Emergency Toe Service - A quick trip to Lake Berryessa was a lot of fun. We went swimming for the day in the lake, which was a little dried up and had algae but still had enough water to play in. We both got a little burned. As Van Halen would say, I'm On Fire!


I'll take Park Place and Boardwalk - Last Friday, we went to Santa Cruz to visit the Boardwalk. We had a great time riding roller coasters and water rides as well as watching a performance by Eddie Money. It was Two Tickets To Paradise .


To close this one out, I'll use 38 Special's "Back To Paradise". Thanks for a great vacation, love you Bunny!

38 Special "Back To Paradise"