After some feedback, I thought it would be fun to cover Tom Selleck and his career from the 80's thru to now. My Aunt is a huge fan of Mr. Selleck which is where a lot of my info about his background comes from. Selleck was a huge volleyball enthusiast, made Western movies and has a wife named Jillie Mack. But, they say that greatness can only be measured in comparison to something else. Actually, I made that up, but I'm going with that excuse to compare the two greatest mustaches of the 80's. So, Selleck will compete with John Oates, one half of the duo Hall and Oates. It's Tom Selleck versus John Oates for the title of greatest 'stache!
What the mustache says:
Selleck: "I'm mature, but I'm a rebel too. I have facial hair."
Oates: "When combined with the puffy hair, it's porn star magic baby!"
Selleck: One of the most well rounded leading men of the 1980s. He had a laid back charm that comes from...well, being a guy that the ladies love. He could do action, he could do comedy and drama in equal measure to his talent.
Oates: He provided great background vocals and rhythm guitar to the most successful duo in Rock history. Oates also released a solo album called Phunk Shui. And that's about it.
Selleck: Selleck spent the decade kicking butt as only a Hawaiian Ferrari driving Tigers hat wearing Private Investigator could on Magnum P.I. (1980-1988) He also ripped Gene Simmons a new one in my favorite Selleck flick Runaway (1984) while dodging acid shooting metal spiders and smart bullets. He saw construction site action in Three Men and a Baby (1987). Selleck also fired his guns in Westerns like Quigley Down Under (1991). His athleticism always made Selleck believable in his action sequences.
Oates: Did you see him shake that stick in the video for "Adult Education"? Dangerous!
Selleck: Tom Selleck showed some comedy chops in the Three Men and a Baby / Little Lady movies (1987 / 1990) as well as the rom com Her Alibi (1989). He also was in the comedy In & Out (1997) as well playing a gay man chasing after Kevin Kline. But his best known comedic performance was on the tv show Friends (1996-1997) as the older guy dancing in the dark with Courtney Cox. His laid back demeanor allows Selleck to fire off slightly deadpan reactions to situations with great humor.
Oates: In "Method of Modern Love" he rides sideways on a trolley, swimming through the clouds. Priceless!
Winner: Oates. The clouds...he's swimming through them!
Selleck: In An Innocent Man (1989) he was wrongly imprisoned and had to fight off convicts and crooked cops. Then, in my favorite dramatic role of Selleck's he was a fading Baseball player who acted like a jerk to everyone in Mr Baseball (1992). It takes guts for a leading man actor to play an unlikeable character, Selleck took that chance.
Oates: In the only single I know of that Oates took a lead vocal on, "Possession Obsession", he's all business singing doo wop in the New York night while driving a Taxi.
Winner: Are you kidding me? Oates of course! He's driving a Taxi. Not everyone can do that.
Girls Dig 'Em:
Selleck: As I said before, the ladies love Tom Selleck. On screen, he's been with every 80's TV hottie girl you can think of on Magnum, plus he was in Her Alibi with supermodel Paulina Porizkova. Runaway had both Cynthia Rhodes and Kirstie Alley. And he married Nancy Travis in Three Men and a Little Lady.
Oates: He was always around that weird dancing blond girl with the Breck hair...oh wait, that's Daryl Hall. As a plaster casting Lois Griffin (Family Guy) once said to Daryl Hall, she's not coming back for Oates.
Now for the tie breaker-
Selleck: He was Magnum P.I., but that role prevented him from starring as Indiana Jones in Raiders of the Lost Ark (1980). Selleck got stuck on the High Road to China (1983) instead. And now he's not being allowed into the Magnum P.I. movie because he's considered "too old" next to the stoner dude that's replacing him-Matthew McCaughnahey (spelled wrong, but it's the stoner dude so who cares?)
Oates: I've heard various stories, the one I like to think is true is that Oates met Daryl Hall in an elevator when they were trying to escape a gang fight.
If it seems like this contest was rigged, that's because it was. No one's ever going to beat John Oates for best mustache of the 80's. That's just the way it is. But there's no shame in losing because Tom Selleck is an excellent actor that can be placed into pretty much any role and excel. And did I mention the ladies love him? John Oates was an important part of the Hall & Oates duo because, well, Hall just couldn't get much interest without Oates. Hall needed his foil. This has been a tale of the tape.