The New Bionic Woman-Stronger...Faster...more dull...I viewed the pilot episode of the new Bionic Woman (2007) TV series from NBC. This show was a rarity for me in that it was a new program I actually was looking forward to seeing. I grew up on the Six Million Dollar Man and The Bionic Woman in the 70's and was a big fan of both shows. Lindsey Wagner was a 70's styled natural beauty who portrayed Jamie Summers as a down to earth everywoman. Both shows were campy and a bit dopey, but to a kid watching TV they were supermodern heroes of the technology age (technology at the time consisting of those computers with the big reel to reel tapes spinning back and forth. And digital clocks too!). Plus, they made friends with Bigfoot. It just didn't get better than that.
.
So with this good will built up, I went out of my way to watch the new Bionic Woman. All I can say is...what the hell? While the original set of shows were driven by a certain knowing campiness that's embedded in a program about 20th century cyborgs, the new show throws all that out the window. This Bionic Woman is serious stuff, at least in the context of cheesy TV sci fi.
.
The Bionic Woman pulls from several different sources until it becomes a confused patchwork with no real identity. Jamie Summers is a struggling Bartender (like Cocktail) who is dating a doctor / professor marked for death by a previous cyborg (The Terminator). The doctor is relatively unhurt following an assassination attempt by the first Bionic Woman who rams a huge truck into the car (again, The Terminator). The doctor uses his position as head of the medical program in cybernetics to rebuild his dying fiancee.
.
Jamie Summers wakes up in a hidden government facility that tries to train and rehabilitate her. The cost of course is her freedom (La Femme Nikita, Species). Summers escapes so she can rip off more movies before her hour program is up (rip offs include Spider Man, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Alias and Lethal Weapon).
.
Thankfully, this program is only an hour long so they uses all sorts of time saving devices in the plot to keep things flowing. For example, these Bionics come with built in healing powers and automatic martial arts training. Newcomer Michelle Ryan does her best to create a sympathetic character in Jamie Summers and succeeds but lacks the charisma needed to completely pull off the role. The rest of the cast is unremarkable, though Jose Ferrer manages to chew up some scenery as the gravelly voiced project head.
.
After 60 minutes of a derivative story held together by mediocre acting I was ready to look for the Bionic Channel Changer. The new Bionic Woman only confirmed what I already knew: I miss the old Bionic Woman and her bionic dog Max. The Bionic Woman probably won't last long on TV and make a great addition to the reruns airing on the Sci Fi Channel. Until then, sha na na na (bionic lifting sound).
I get that the legs and arm is bionic, but the back was never enhanced. Should snap like a twig under weight.
No comments:
Post a Comment